Janka Bond

What is Your Ideal Relationship?



Posted: Monday, December 20, 2010

by Janka Bond
http://www.thingstodosandiego.blogspot.com

Looking back, I feel like meeting and falling in love with James was the easy part. The initial interest in each other grew quickly into passion and I will forever remember the beautiful infatuation phase.  We have been learning about each other since day one, but as our relationship grows and our connection deepens, we are discovering each other on progressively deeper levels as well.  To get a greater understanding of our unique and very different perspectives, we realize the importance of effective communication.

After some discussion, we quickly realized that our ideas of a perfect relationship were slightly different.  Surprise, surprise!  Our different experiences and family situations had caused us to develop different needs and requirements for feeling loved, understood, and secure. While searching for exercises to assist us we came across a wonderful exercise that we would like to share.  This exercise is based on the Imago concept, introduced by Dr. Harville Hendrix and his wife Dr. Helen Lakelly Hunt. In their book, Getting the Love You Want, the couple introduces a wonder exercise that was exactly what we were looking for “Establishing your Relationship Vision”

In this exercise, each partner writes how he or she envisions his or her perfect relationship in a form of simple sentences. An example could be: “We laugh a lot” or “We are best friends”.  Once their individual lists are complete, the partners come together and discuss the items on their lists.  They select items they both feel are important and create a final list – The Relationship Vision.  James and I had many mutual items and we easily agreed on ones that one of us might not have listed as important, but had no objection adding.  It was interesting; there were items on our individual lists that did not make it to the Relationship Vision but that’s the whole point – it is called Mutual Relationship Vision for a reason.

Next, being the artists we are, we designed an image we could save as a desktop on the home computer to remind us of our vision. We started reading the items on our Relationship Vision list to each other every night, and we have memorized the items by now. We also made sure we asked for clarification, for example “What does Best Friend mean to you?” The important thing is to remain consistent and keep the vision in your mind and in your heart. The list helps us stay committed to our growth and reminds us of our goals while we work towards improving our life together.

So make a list, check it twice, and create the relationship you desire!
Janka currently works at a community college in Chula Vista, California. She has always had passion for writing but only recently decided to fully explore it and progressively engage in it. Relationships, in general as well as her own, have always been intriguing and inspiring her, so she will probably explore this topic in most of her work. She enjoys posting articles on JamesandJanka, a website dedicated to couples in San Diego area and everywhere.

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