Janka Bond

Positive Thinking In a Relationship



Posted: Sunday, July 18, 2010

by Janka Bond
http://www.thingstodosandiego.blogspot.com

“ A man is but the product of his thoughts, what he thinks, he becomes. ", Mahatma Ghandi

"There are always flowers for those who want to see...", Henri Matisse

We have all heard about how positive thinking and attitude can improve your life. Your thoughts affect your feelings and are reflected in your actions. A positive mind anticipates positive outcomes and whatever the mind expects will become a reality. The same theory applies when it comes to relationships. No relationship is perfect and even the best relationships encounter problems from time to time.

However, the more effort we make to focus on the positives, the happier we can become. Now this is not an easy process but it can be done. I am talking about a conscious effort to switch to “positive" anytime “negative" takes over our mind. By training your mind to replace negative thoughts with positive ones, you can increase the positive behaviour and positive reactions to each other in your relationship. Positive and negative thinking are both contagious. Instinctively on a subconscious level we affect our partner and their behaviour towards us.

I experience this in my relationship. As we get to know each other more intimately, I see that my husband picks up on the way I feel. I guess it’s in my face expressions, the tone of my voice or my behaviour - my happiness or my negative feelings affect him. We try to discuss any issues that come our way but I know there is a lot I can do on the inside – as I go through my internal dialogue. When pessimistic thought visits my mind (and they do; I am human), I try to stop for a minute and appreciate what I have. I think about what he does for me, what we did together or what he said/did recently that made me happy. This little reflection helps me to put things into perspective, see all the good we have in our relationship and realize how lucky I am. And I make sure I tell him so.

In her article “Increasing the Positives in Your Relationship", Shruti S. Polsen, a family therapist suggests the following activities to start the process of replacing negative thoughts with positive thoughts:

· List three things you like about your partner

· List three things your partner does that make you feel cared for and supported

· Think of areas of your relationship that you positive experience and thoughts about

· Think of areas in your relationship that you have positive experience and thoughts about

· Share at least one positive thought about your partner or your relationship with him or her each day

Examples of turning negative thoughts into positive:

· We don’t agree on everything but essentially we share many of the same values and beliefs

· Sometimes we argue but we have many happy times together

· I don’t always like everything about my partner but I know why I chose to be with him/her - because I respect and admire many of their qualities and attributes (be specific)

Once you train your mind to focus on the positives, when you approach you partner about something you need to resolve, the response will be much warmer and the chances of a successful resolution will increase.

For example, instead of saying: “You never hold my hand in public", try a positive approach when tackling this specific issue: “It makes me feel good when you show affection to me in public and I would like you to do it more often".

Trust me; the response will be quite different. And so will the outcome.

Janka currently works at a community college in Chula Vista, California. She has always had passion for writing but only recently decided to fully explore it and progressively engage in it. Relationships, in general as well as her own, have always been intriguing and inspiring her, so she will probably explore this topic in most of her work. She enjoys posting articles on JamesandJanka, a website dedicated to couples in San Diego area and everywhere.

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Top-level comments on this article: (1 total)
» left by amit from india 1 year 287 days ago.
A positive mind anticipates happiness, joy, health and a successful outcome of every situation and action
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